Instead of celebrating, I am licking my wounds after deciding to drop out of the HUTH. I waited until 8:45 a.m. this morning to make the call, and it was a hard call in so many ways, but my body just was not recovered enough to do it. And yes, there were tears of shame and frustration involved in much of my morning.
I went to the gym at the time of my team's wave in the event, but had to stop running after just a mile. I have some work in front of me to recover my endurance after that flu. This is the first time that I have had a serious stomach flu since I had my large intestine removed a few years ago, and I just didn't expect the toll it would take on my body. Yes, I have known since the surgery that dehydration is a more complex and serious issue for me than for someone with a large intestine water removal from food is one of its major functions, but I guess I did not realize that it would also mean that it would take so long for me to recover.
I spoke with my surgeon's office last week and they advised that I focus on eating foods with a higher sodium content in order to retain as much fluid as possible, and I certainly did that. As a matter of fact, large quantities of hot and sour soup have played a major role in my diet for the past three days that I have been able to keep food down again. And I have gained back almost 5 of the 9 pounds that I lost during the flu days, but I guess it was not enough to make me feel strong again.
This is the first event that I have signed up for that I have not done (well, one was canceled, but that is not in my control). And I have been dealing with major feelings of failure because I feel like a quitter. I am not going to let that derail me, though, and am just going to pick up where I left off and look towards my next event: The Shamrock Shuffle 8K on March 29th. But I am going to mourn this all over again as I talk with my team tomorrow and face the failure all over again.
I guess there's always next year.