I have been struggling with low motivation lately in terms of running. I try to talk myself out of going for a run every time I have one scheduled, and it is getting pretty silly. Of course, I have been doing them despite my internal struggles, but it is painful to have to negotiate another mile out of myself while I am literally in the middle of a run.
I am not sure why my motivation is waning. I am not in any weird place hormonally, so I can't blame it on that. I have also noticed a downturn in my mood this past week, although I think the low motivation preceded the poor mood. Either way, I have been a pretty pathetic person for the better part of this week, and I need to snap out of it. I have even been day dreaming of binges, and that is a place that I just do not want to go.
The good news in all of this is that I am ignoring that lazy voice that tells me to skip the run. I am also ignoring the urge to stuff my face with all kinds of crappy food. But what I have been doing is sleeping a lot more (as in I was sound asleep last night by 8:30 p.m.), and have also been feeling sorry for myself and moping around all day.
Seriously, WTF?!? I know my life is far from perfect, but I have a great job that allows me to support my daughter and myself as a single mom, I have a lovely home in a safe area, a family that loves me, some good friends, a bunch of wonderful kitties, and my health. But of course I have been dwelling on that which I do not have... and that is just a shame.
I am spilling my guts on this in the hopes that it will snap me out of my blue mood and put my attitude back where it should be, in the "half full" view of life. I know that dark times like these will come, and I am glad that I have been managing them in a non-destructive manner, but I am ready for some sunshine in my mood. Bring it on!
Now, on to my runs: Both of my runs this week have been in the 2 to 3 mile range, and I need to kick up my mileage. The good news is that my pace has been quicker, mostly in the high 11 minute mile range, and one of my laps in tonight's speedwork clocked in at a 10 minute 25 second per mile pace!
The improvement in my speed in less than a year of running is very motivating, and I dream of a day when I can run a 5K in less than 3o minutes. That is going to be my main 2010 running goal, so I am continuing my Thursday speedwork runs in order to keep progression going in that area. But I also want to focus on increasing my distance in my long runs, so I have to discipline myself a bit more and run farther than just my comfortable 3 mile runs on the weekend when I have the time.
So that is my goal for this weekend: A run that is over 3 miles in distance. Hopefully it will be nice outside so that I can mix it up a bit and skip the track. Maybe that will bring me out of my rut... a girl can dream!