Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Brief Updates

1) November Mileage Total: 44.3 miles!!! Best month since April. Oh yeah.

2) Surgery officially scheduled for 2/8. 10 weeks from today. On the march to goal.

3) Relationship over, as of yesterday. Very painful. So many tears. Waiting for life to go on.

4) Less than 10 days until I turn 41. How did THAT happen????

Monday, November 29, 2010

Both Sad & Happy

I just checked my mileage stats for the month of November: 41.1 miles. WOW!!! Happy.

The sad part is that it is EXACTLY equal to the sum total of my mileage in June, July, August, September, and October: 41.1 miles. YIKES!!! Sad.

But back to Happy: I still have one more day left in November and I am planning to run tomorrow, so it looks like my mileage for this single month will BEAT my combined mileage for the previous five months. And that's a BIG HAPPY. :-)

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Thanksgiving Photos

I must confess that I wear jeans to work EVERY day. That is one of the biggest reasons why I love working in Engineering! I never dress up unless I have to, like dinner out with vendors or the company holiday party. Even when I go out with friends, it is always jeans and a casual shirt.

But last weekend I indulged in a bit of retail therapy and bought three skirts. I wore one to work on Monday because we had vendors in town for an all-day meeting and were then going out for dinner at a nice restaurant. Seriously, I could not believe the response. So many compliments.

So I decided to wear my new outfit on Thanksgiving, and one of the other guests captured me in photos. This is the first short skirt (short for me) that I have worn in about 15 years! Not too bad... might do it more often since I had my butt grabbed four times during the course of the evening!

Post-Thanksgiving Weigh-In

+1.2 pounds

And it is not at all unexpected. I overate (and over-drank) last weekend while out with a friend, went out for a huge dinner with vendors from Taiwan on Monday night, ate my share of baked goods from the man in our department who really knows how to cook... and then there was Thanksgiving Day. I will say no more about that food fest. Yikes! So a 1.2 pound gain is not only expected, but certainly managable.

Since the Turkey Trot 5K on Thursday morning, I have run at least the equivalent of a 5K each day of this long weekend. I have also been tracking my points closely, so I am back on track. I am looking forward to seeing the changes that Weight Watchers in rolling out tomorrow, and like the sound of zero point fruits and (many) veggies! I am ready to shake it up a bit.

Still dealing with my emotional issues, but at least I have a better attitude about ending the situation. It is the right thing to do, even though it hurts like crazy right now. And I am leaving for vacation with my daughter in a handful of days so I want my mind to be fully present there and not wondering about next steps with a man.

After Disney, it is time for me to focus on getting as close to goal as possible before surgery. It was initially scheduled for 2/11, but the surgeon is unavailable that day so I will have it between 1/30 and 2/10. I just want it to be OVER so that I can heal and move on with my life.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Turkey Trot 5K - 2010

This morning I ran my third Thanksgiving morning Turkey Trot 5K. It was the race that almost wasn't.

I decided to bail on it last night when I read the weather forecast. Too cold, maybe rain and maybe snow. And I had just finished a crappy week and was deep into a bottle of wine. I promised myself that I would go to the gym and run an equivalent distance, but not outside at the race proper.

When I went over to my mom's this morning before the gym... it wasn't too bad outside. And I realized that I had no excuse to skip the race. So I pinned on my bib and went. I am so glad that I did that.

I actually ran a PR. 34:28, which was just about 1 1/2 minutes faster than last year, and 45 seconds faster than my previous PR. And frankly I could have trimmed at least 30 seconds off my time had the walkers actually went to the BACK of the pack like they were instructed to do. I actually spent quite some time weaving through people and children and dogs and strollers, and had to resort to running on the sidewalks several times.

Regardless, I pushed myself and it was a great run. My first mile was 10:15. At mile 2, I was averaging 10:45 per mile. I slowed down a bit and finished with a mile time average just over 11:00 per mile. Cool!

And I was proud of myself for just doing it. And just doing it for ME, for no one else.

A very Happy Thanksgiving to you all!

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Thought for the Day

Do you really want to look back on your life and see how wonderful it could have been had you not been afraid to live it?
- Caroline Myss

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Sneak Peek

Even though my weigh-in day is not until Friday, I jumped on for a sneak peek today and saw a number in the 170s! Let's hope it sticks! The lowest that I have been in the last 12 years is 178.8, so the 170s is a weight decade that I look forward to moving (downward) through and out of... and into the 160s. It is one of those sticking point weight places for me, so I want to loosen the shackles and get past the 170s and to my goal!

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Happiness and Authenticity

CLICK HERE to watch the video that wins the prize for the best 20 minutes that I spent this weekend (besides playing games with my daughter, of course!).

She's funny... and her message rings true for me.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Weekly Weigh In Results

Down 0.9 pounds. That makes two weeks in a row, which is good news. I also fit in three runs this week (although calling the one-miler on my treadmill a real run is kind of a stretch). All in all a good week.

Ran 4.4 miles this morning. A sanity run to quiet the voices in my head. Planning another one tomorrow. I am trying to work back up to 5 mile runs as that is a good sweet spot for each of my three weekly runs.

Still struggling emotionally, on many levels, but I need to just exit the situation I have been in and move on. I'll chalk it up to a near miss. As #14 on a cute email that I received said "If you are in a relationship that has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it." Enough said.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

And Then One Day You Realize

that losing weight does not fix everything that you think is wrong with your life. Sure, it makes so many things much, much better, but it does not alleviate self-doubt or loneliness. It does not fix all of the problems with your body, but sometimes points out new ones that no amount of weight loss or exercise can erase. And it certainly does not guarantee love or companionship or successful relationships.

I am aware of my hang-ups and insecurities, as much as anyone can be since I am sure I cannot see them all. Now the question is whether or not I am willing to try to overcome them, or if I am going to retreat and hide and eliminate the risk of being hurt or rejected. They were there, although maybe in a slightly different form, when I was heavy and they are here now with over 100 pounds gone. And now they are screaming at me because they did not disappear when the weight left like I hoped they would, like I prayed they would. Not that I *really* thought that they would all go away... but I guess I just had no idea how much I would let them hold me back.

Now I know how much I am letting them hold me back. I am watching myself enjoy things less because I am so disappointed with my body and so afraid to disappoint if seen for what I really am. I am running away, and I don't know how to fix that.

I still have a lot of work to do, and it really doesn't involve a number on the scale or a clothing size anymore. I don't even know where to start.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Weekly Weigh In

A near miracle, I tell you! Between the Vegas food and beverage extravaganza (Border Grill, Emeril's New Orleans Fish House, 'Wich Craft, Mesa Grill, Bouchon, and all of the drinking), Frontera Grill (complete with more margaritas than I care to count), and a phenomenal weekend with my friends that included Chicago-style pizza, Sweet Tomatoes, and a huge breakfast out, I am still down 1.4 pounds in the last two weeks!

I'll take it! I even went for a short run tonight to keep the mojo going. Life is good!

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Find Your Way Back

Whew, have I been off track with my exercise lately. My running has slacked off since July, and I have not really seen my trainer for about a month. Besides the (very) occasional run and a ton of walking in Vegas, I have been pretty lazy about getting any intentional exercise.

But something has clicked again. Now that I am about three months out from surgery, I am motivated to lose the rest of the weight that I want to shed. Truth be told I am only about 5 pounds up from my lowest weight in the past 12 years, so that is good, but I would still like to lose about 23 pounds to get back to my post-college weight.

Thus, I have been counting points again since coming back from Vegas and, other than some planned indulgent meals last weekend, things have been pretty tame on the eating front.

I ran a 10K with my friend Donna last weekend and, even though I have not run more than 5 miles since my half marathon in May, it was excellent. I even went to the gym tonight and ran a couple of quick miles, averaging 10.5 minute miles which is awesome for me! I am feeling inspired again.

I am also feeling happy in my personal life. It has been so nice to go out and have some fun in a bit of a romantic way. Even though I don't know if it is right to call it dating, I certainly have enjoyed my evenings out with him. And hopefully we will be scheduling another one soon. He has made me realize that I do not want to continue to be alone, that being with a man again can indeed be so much fun despite all of my hang-ups and insecurities, and that there are some truly good men out there. No matter what happens and when, if it is over as soon as it started, I will not regret this experience. It has opened an emotional door for me and for that I am thankful.