Friday, February 25, 2011

Weekly Weigh-In

Down 2.2 pounds this week.

157.8

Hello 150's! Nice to see you! :)

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Suckfest 2011

The last 24 hours have been a total suckfest. I want a fucking do-over (please excuse the profanity if you are sensitive).

Today was the day that I was going to return to the office. I had initially planned to work from home this week, but my job is such that I really need to be there to be effective. Although I am only two weeks out from surgery, I thought I could handle it if I drove myself in instead of taking public transportation so that I could leave early if necessary.

So it is Monday night, the night before my big return to work, and of course this is the night that my work "friend" decides that "we should talk". So excellent to break things off (again) right before I return to the office to go back to work with him. Begin SUCKFEST.

Tuesday morning comes. Have had a crappy night of sleep, am up before my 5:30 a.m. alarm, and end up tired and ready for a nap after showering, getting dressed, getting the child dressed, feeding the both of us, and getting her to my mom's since school is closed. And it is only 7:00 a.m.

Onward to work. Driving on the (insanely packed) expressway into the city. Listening to the Black Eyed Peas way too loudly to drown out the unhappy voices in my brain from the discussion the night before. DING DING DING DING!!! What's that? My van is... OVERHEATING??? How is this possible when the heat isn't even working???

It *is* indeed possible. What to do? Pull off of the expressway at the next exit, find a safe place to park, and call AAA for a tow. And it is all of 7:30 a.m.

Tow truck arrives at 9:00 a.m. I am frozen from sitting in a cold car for an hour and a half. And, just two weeks out of major surgery, I hurt my abdomen pulling myself up to sit in the tow truck. Fucking awesome.

Onward to the service station. We drop off the van, and my brother is on his way to pick me up and take me home. 10:00 a.m. I arrive at home, go to the couch, and fall asleep for the next two hours. My favorite form of avoidance when I do not want to binge eat or cry my flipping eyes out.

Ring, ring... it's the service station! Van is royally fucked up. When all is said and done, the cost is $1030. Nice, especially after having to replace the fuel pump last month to the tune of $670. SUCKFEST CONTINUES.

(excuse me for a moment... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH... primal scream therapy minute)

Some days just suck. This was one of them.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

I'm Still Alive

I am back home. I have been home since Monday night. Still healing, and I have my post-op appointment tomorrow morning. I am hoping to get the go ahead to work from home starting next Tuesday.

I am working through a bunch of emotional issues, which is why I have been quiet thus far. But it feels good to be physically on the mend, that's for sure. When I have the energy, I'll recap the experience.

Monday, February 7, 2011

See You On The Other Side Of This

It is time. I am leaving for the hospital tomorrow at 6:30 a.m. And I am ready for this to be over so that I can get healed and get back in the game. Time to kick it into high gear and hit my goal. Time to be the best that I can be, and give the best that I can give.

Thanks to all of my friends who reached out to me these last few days when I have been having a mini-midlife crisis around this whole thing. So many feelings converged... flashbacks to surgeries past when I was so sick, feeling like I was all alone and regretting the relationship choices that I have made in my life, the fear that I will not be able to manage my life these next 6 to 8 weeks while limited in my abilities... so many things.

But this too shall pass. My mom has stepped up to help me. Emotional support has come from both the most likely and the most unlikely places. And I feel like I just want to finish this and move on with living my life. I hope it unfolds brilliantly.

See you next week!