Friday, December 28, 2012

Wrapping Up 2012

I am glad to see this year come to a close in the hopes that 2013 will be a better one!

I leave 2012 heavier than I have been since 2010 (maybe even 2009), with no runs since July and little intentional exercise beyond that. It won't be hard to do better in that area of my life!

The BF and I are giving it another try. He was out of the house for about 48 hours, and then came back until his planned move on 1/6/13. He has to get his dog back from his best friend who has been caring for him since May when the BF moved in to my house, complete with 5 cats and a No Dogs association rule.

2012 has been very challenging. I have not gotten through unscathed. I have to once again lose the weight that I worked so hard to lose before, and I have to rebuild my fitness level as I did when I started this blog. Both are totally achievable, but I feel exhausted and find it hard to start again.

I have also deleted my Facebook account. I decided to unplug from it for 2013 and use the time that I spent on it to focus on my own life. It has been a change, that's for sure, but now my focus is on those who are actually present in my life and not just on my News Feed.

Today is my last working day of 2012, and then I am off for five days to celebrate both the new year and also my DD's 11th birthday. When I return to my routine in 2013, I will do so with renewed focus to make 2013 count in moving closer to my goals.

Have a Happy New Year!

Monday, December 17, 2012

Heartbroken

It's been a long time since I posted here, and many things in my life have changed since then. The good news is that BF had a post-chemo PET Scan this month and was diagnosed as cancer free on 12/5/12. It was an amazing day, to know that all of the tough times paid off and he was healthy again.

Unfortunately, our relationship ended on 12/15/12 and he moved back home last weekend. I am heartbroken right now, and miss him very much. The holidays no longer hold any appeal for me, but I will put it together for DD.

I also have to pull myself together. I have gained weight and do not feel good about myself. I have not run since July. I have neglected my friendships due to my singular focus on BF and the accompanying exhaustion of caring for him and also being a working single parent.

I am lost right now.

Due to the sadness of this last weekend, I have not eaten since lunch on Friday. The thought of it makes me sick to my stomach. I need to get some nourishment today. That will be my baby step for today.

DD is home sick with a high fever, which is good for me because I am still a big mess and thus have another day to pull myself together before I return to work. Returning to work tomorrow will be my baby step for Tuesday. And getting to the gym for the first time in months will be my baby step for Wednesday.

I know that time will heal this wound, but right now it is hard to imagine that happening any time soon. I don't know what to do with myself. I need to rebuild a life of my own.