Monday, December 17, 2012

Heartbroken

It's been a long time since I posted here, and many things in my life have changed since then. The good news is that BF had a post-chemo PET Scan this month and was diagnosed as cancer free on 12/5/12. It was an amazing day, to know that all of the tough times paid off and he was healthy again.

Unfortunately, our relationship ended on 12/15/12 and he moved back home last weekend. I am heartbroken right now, and miss him very much. The holidays no longer hold any appeal for me, but I will put it together for DD.

I also have to pull myself together. I have gained weight and do not feel good about myself. I have not run since July. I have neglected my friendships due to my singular focus on BF and the accompanying exhaustion of caring for him and also being a working single parent.

I am lost right now.

Due to the sadness of this last weekend, I have not eaten since lunch on Friday. The thought of it makes me sick to my stomach. I need to get some nourishment today. That will be my baby step for today.

DD is home sick with a high fever, which is good for me because I am still a big mess and thus have another day to pull myself together before I return to work. Returning to work tomorrow will be my baby step for Tuesday. And getting to the gym for the first time in months will be my baby step for Wednesday.

I know that time will heal this wound, but right now it is hard to imagine that happening any time soon. I don't know what to do with myself. I need to rebuild a life of my own.