Sunday, April 28, 2013

Lighter

That's my descriptive word for the last week. My mood is lighter, the skies are lighter, and the scale finds me lighter. All of those are good developments!

I am settling back into my own space and my own life. Although I still think about my ex-boyfriend, I do not long to be back in the relationship the way that it was but instead allow the mourning of what I had wished it would be but was not. I am also analyzing it to build a vision of what will make me happy in a future romantic relationship. I am refining my vision for a happy future.

The weather has been somewhat brighter here, too, and I was able to enjoy a lovely weekend complete with a long neighborhood walk with my mother and a photography walk through the forest with my daughter. The sunlight and warmer weather have me looking forward to late Spring and Summer activities with a smile.

And my weight is going down, too! I lost almost 5 pounds so far this month, and am down 12 pounds since after the holidays. It is motivating me to keep going with exercise and moderated eating, and I am in the flow right now which feels wonderful.

I am signing off to enjoy a glass of red wine and an episode of Sons of Anarchy. Such a great way to wrap up a wonderful weekend!

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Dietbet

Yep, I joined my first Dietbet! The premise is that you put a certain dollars amount into the pot of a challenge at www.dietbet.com and, if you lose 4% of your body weight in the time allotted, you split the pot with all of the people in the challenge who do the same. I put in $25, and the pot is now up to $3100... I'm giving it my best shot!

I am still working a cold out of my system four weeks after I got sick, and am now able to exercise well again. I have been getting up at 5:00am to walk for 30 minutes on the treadmill, so there is action on that front.

I cancelled cable a week and a half ago, and we have been exploring Netflix and doing free trials of Hulu Plus and Amazon Prime. So far, so good... although I am having an attic antenna installed so that we can get air channels and thus I can see the news from time to time. Goodbye huge cable bill!

Things are going well with my therapist. We are digging deep now, and there are a lot of things that I need to resolve with myself. I am pulling myself out of the dating scene for the foreseeable future because I want to take care of my own stuff for awhile before I mix it with someone else's stuff.

Things are generally good. I am living more in the present, am setting better and healthier boundaries, and am loving the ones who love me in both action AND word. I still have blue times, as do most, but I feel like things are moving in the right direction again. Towards the light.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Harden My Heart

That is my anthem right now. I even downloaded the song from iTunes to reinforce the need when sadness strikes.

I have been feeling disappointed lately. Disappointed about how things turned out with my ex. Disappointed that people whom I considered my friends have behaved in ways that are not considerate. Disappointed that I still care about people who do not treat me well.

It is time for me to set boundaries regarding the way that I let others treat me. As hard as it may be for me to do, since I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt, I am no longer letting people who treat me disrespectfully keep residence in my heart. I am learning how to let go, no matter how important I feel they may have been to me.

A little hardness will do my heart and my psyche good.

Friday, April 5, 2013

Passing Through Kalamazoo

I am on an Amtrak train right now, on my way to visit friends in Michigan. We are currently stopped at the Kalamazoo station, almost halfway through the trip.

I am enjoying the ride. Mostly I am enjoying the fact that I get to visit my friends without having to drive! Although I absolutely adore my new car, I am not a big fan of driving in general and avoid it whenever possible. :)

I have a sunny window seat from which to enjoy the view. I have done some reading, listened to a few podcasts, answered emails and texts, and even dozed off for a few minutes. Thank goodness I had the foresight to buy some healthy snacks at CVS before getting on the train because the selection here is both expensive and unhealthy!

I am so excited about this weekend. When I undertook my plan to rebuild my own life earlier this year, even before I left the relationship with ex-BF, I tried to remember the last time that I was truly happy. And that was when I was with these friends: Betsy and Mike, Donna and Marty, and Nick. And now we are adding Nick's fiancée to the picture, and I am thrilled to meet her. Just this morning I found out that Anita and Den are going to join us, so it feels like a fabulous homecoming.

My life has held so many ups and downs lately. So many challenges and confusion, and so much doubt and fear and sadness. But it is with my friends that I find joy. This is a weekend for joy and love.

I feel blessed that my friends have been there for me even after I dropped out of sight for the last two years for a codependent relationship. I am lucky. And I am even building new and deeper friendships with other people, too, so the loss of one relationship has the net result of being a relationship gain in my life.

This tells me that it was time to close that door because other ones have remained open and I have opened new doors, too. I plan on enjoying all of these opportunities!